Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Call meee

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...

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  (603): Call meee (781): Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now... http://tfl.nu/j06g
  Replies (3) Good night (1898) Bad night (593)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.

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  (403): she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that. http://tfl.nu/e222
  Replies (11) Good night (2909) Bad night (729)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.

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  (401): Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon. http://tfl.nu/lhyu
  Replies (55) Good night (3814) Bad night (785)
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  (559): View more from California

  if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean

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  (559): if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean http://tfl.nu/a5l2
  Replies (5) Good night (949) Bad night (2047)
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  (714): View more from California

  We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now

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  (714): We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now http://tfl.nu/h0c8
  Replies (9) Good night (3388) Bad night (889)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.

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  (336): I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver. http://tfl.nu/y72r
  Replies (9) Good night (4091) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.

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  (773): After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in. http://tfl.nu/8v36
  Replies (11) Good night (1525) Bad night (2816)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal

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  (706): saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal http://tfl.nu/ml27
  Replies (11) Good night (4780) Bad night (2076)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

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  (507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp
  Replies (10) Good night (5370) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.

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  (707): She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love. http://tfl.nu/is4u
  Replies (17) Good night (4749) Bad night (980)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.

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  (330): My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out. http://tfl.nu/tebu
  Replies (11) Good night (1512) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina

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  (217): I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina http://tfl.nu/lruw
  Replies (8) Good night (1454) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.

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  (919): They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am. http://tfl.nu/0bdo
  Replies (0) Good night (545) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I round house kicked her emotions in the face

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  (785): I round house kicked her emotions in the face http://tfl.nu/nnqe
  Replies (3) Good night (713) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.

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  (623): It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that. http://tfl.nu/i8dz
  Replies (5) Good night (804) Bad night (325)

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