Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.