I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
pop tarts are not kleenex
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"