btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak