It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday