Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.