margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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