am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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