the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
