i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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