please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
