when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
