Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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