She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
