i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
