hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
