does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i out mim tonsoeep
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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