you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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