you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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