im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize