I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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