i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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