definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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