got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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