How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
