Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
