in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
