this just has baby written all over it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
