There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
someone threw a dead crab at me
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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