one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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