It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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