I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
home. puking in laundry basket.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
