people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
