we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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