I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
