why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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