She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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