We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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