There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
