there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
