you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if only i could text you this smell
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
