Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
