I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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