Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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