It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
