it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
