Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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