Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
