i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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