Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She said her name was "party"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
