Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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