my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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