I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
