Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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