whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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