I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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