I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
