She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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