I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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