My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
