I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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