Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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