I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize