Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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