I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
