I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
