I cockslap morals
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
