I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
