Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
