Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
