ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
