some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
