I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
