I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am naked and annoyed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
