but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
