She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
