so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
