I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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