we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize