Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
