so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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