It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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