It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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