I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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