remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
