Someone shit on the floor
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
