Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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