I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
